Seducing Malfoy
by Superficial Guy
Summary: Hermione has a crush on Draco. Hermione seduces Draco. Hermione gets raped by Draco. The power of love can only go so far, before it's hate. HGDM [complete]
1. The First Step

SEDUCING MALFOY

Summary: The truth is sometimes hard to believe. She knew, if they got into a relationship it would be destroyed. But she loved him. And he had no feelings for her at all . . . Until she tried to change that. HG/Draco

  
CHAPTER ONE: The First Step

I didn't want it to happen.

I don't even think I fully believe it *is* happening.

But, as I reread all the words I had written in my diary for the years since I came to Hogwarts, it definitely shows. I didn't recognize it before, because I didn't *want* to think it could possibly become true. What would Harry and Ron think? What would everybody else think? It was forbidden. I knew it was forbidden. Not by society, as much as the unwritten rules that everyone came to learn one way or another. By some one else: older or wiser, or by experience. Which was what I was going through at that moment. 

And the one entry that sticks out in my mind, the one that proves all of it true, happened so long ago, not too long before I got Petrified: 

_Draco is riding on my last nerves. Everything he says to me hits me like a brick, and his comment on Mudbloods just makes me want to scream! Why have such terrible people at a school, when we could just get *rid* of them and not have to worry about it anymore? He thinks he so smart, and that people like him because of his stupid smirk he gives off. The one that I've grown so accustomed to seeing that it doesn't even bother me anymore. He words really don't, either, because I'm used to hearing them. Yes, they *do* sting - a lot - but it's less when it's Draco. And it really is . . . odd . . . to be saying this. Much less writing it down - but - maybe he's not so bad as we think . . . I went to the Library the other day, to look up anything I could find about the secret chamber in this school . . . and he was there, sitting at the table I usually occupy, holding a book. "You're in my seat, Malfoy," I had snapped, for that's how I've always addressed him. Cruelly. Angrily. And so *why* do I feel it's a false facade?_

He only grinned, and smiled, his stupid smirk that haunts my dreams, and slid the book across the table, into my hands. I only glanced at the title on it and pushed it back at him. "What do you *want,* Malfoy? What are you doing?" a demand. From me. And I regretted saying it, too.

"I'm leaving, that's what I'm doing. I thought you were a smart person. But you're really just a pathetic Mudblood." and he went to leave.

Oh! The anger I felt inside of me then - but couldn't put it into words. Instead, I stuck out my tongue behind his back - and to my surprise, he saw it, and stuck out his, too!

Why do I feel like laughing, when clearly it was his sign of hate? And, when did I begin to call him Draco??

And now it is my sixth year, and I can't quit thinking about him. I dream about killing him, and being happy about it, but once I awaken - it's a different feeling. Like I'm being tugged two ways. And I hated it with a passion.

This morning, I went down to the Great Hall for breakfast and sat down beside Harry and Ron, who were quibbling about Quidditch teams, and why the other had won. Something like that, anyway. My thoughts weren't focused on them, and I wasn't even aware I was eating the food I hated. My gaze was on a certain sixteen year old Slytherin , who was smirking at the guys beside him. I wondered then - how could he be evil *all* the time? How could he have so many rude things to say to somebody before they got old and lost their affect? And why was it that he never smiled, only smirked all the time? 

"Hermione, are you aware of the fact that you're eating blueberry oatmeal?" Ron asked, waving a hand in front of my face.

"Huh?" and that's when I looked down at the food I had been stuffing my face with. 

Oh - my insides churned! Oatmeal! It looked like vomit, and always would to me! How had I stuffed that down my throat, when it looked like it had come from someone else's? I had to have been extremely preoccupied!

And here were Ron and Harry, still waiting for a response from me, as I flustered, and tried to sooth my insides by drinking two glasses of Pumpkin Juice. "I think I've developed a taste for it - that's all." and my insides screamed at me "How could you do it, Hermione?!"

Harry and Ron exchanged glances. "Alright . . . Who were you looking at, anyway?"

And without meaning to, I looked toward Draco's table, before looking back, mentally shooting myself. He followed my gaze, and his grew hard. "Malfoy? You were looking at *Malfoy*?" utter disgust was all over his words. The hate he felt towards the platinum blonde boy was obvious to someone who didn't even knew their conflicts.

"I was just thinking hateful thoughts of the things he called me the other day!" said I, a little to rushed.

"Were you?" Harry asked, offhandedly., it seemed he, too, had a lot on his mind.

"Yes. I was. And if you don't mind - I think I'm going to go . . . I have decided I don't like oatmeal after all."

"Yeah!" Ron called as I raced for the nearest bathroom. "And it doesn't help that you are allergic to blueberries!"

~~~~~~~

Snape's class was the one class I looked most forward to that day, though I had no idea why, since that was the class I detested most normally.

The long lesson dragged by, until the last couple of minutes when he told us of his plans.

Snape stood in front of the class and announced that we would have to be separated into pairs. -boy and girl pairs - and then read off names of people to be put together "at random" . Although it seemed he had already chose them. The ones he knew would drive each other absolutely crazy. "Harry Potter and Pansy," he didn't even call out her last name, and that thought vaguely crossed my mind as Harry reluctantly made his way towards her, his shoulders drooping. "Ronald Weasely and Millicent . . ." Ron looked very scared for a moment, and then quietly made his way to the huge girl he would be working with.

Snape read down his mental list, on and on it seemed to last, until neither I, nor Draco had partners. "And last, but not least, Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger." and my heart seemed to shrivel up and die, and Draco made his way toward me, his eyes locked with mine, but up to the brim with anger and coldness. And, it was such a shame. Because Draco's eyes are so beautiful you could get lost in them. But nobody wants to get lost in something that was scary and cold. Not even Voldemort would like that.

"Listen, Granger, I know you are very smart and you like to win your house lots and lots of points," his voice was made falsetto as he taunted me. But then changed back to normal. "But *I* am smart too, and damned if I'll be reduced to being dumber than a stupid Mudblood. So, here's the deal: we work *together* on this project, and if you find out more than I do - then you let *me* know about it, so I don't seem like a total and complete asshole who made you do all the work." and he finished, smirking, obviously pleased with himself. 

I blinked at him, and turned my voice just as cold and sarcastic as he could make his, "Malfoy, if I find out more than you do, on whatever this project is, then I will take all the credit for it, and you *will* seem like a complete asshole who made me do all the work. Do you expect me to believe that if *you* find out more than I do you will share the news with you? I am not stupid, so you can forget it. It's ever man, or woman for their self."

He let out air through his nose loudly, and looked at Snape, who was glancing at all of the "couples" he had made, instead of explaining to us his project. 

"Fine, Granger. I didn't expect you to go along with my plan. You *could* make it war, and have us *both* look stupid and fail the project if one of us gets it wrong . . . or *you* could think of an idea that tops mine, and we'll go along with *it*."

"You'd agree to my idea?" I asked, with doubt in my voice, and a little bit of humour. 

"As long as it's not fucking stupid, I'll agree to it. I need to get a higher score in this class or my father will -" he stopped, realizing it was *me* he was talking to, and not one of his friends. "None of your business. And you are wasting my precious time. Do we have a deal or not?"

I thought a moment, and agreed his plan probably *was* best. "Fine. We'll go with your idea. But if I find out that you've been holding back on me, Malfoy, I *will* outsmart you. I'm smart enough.."

"Obviously you aren't, or you'd be in Ravenclaw." he said, smugly.

"And that same goes for *you*" said I, before Professor Snape explained to us out project.

"You will be given a racoon," he said, looking at everyone's faces. "And this racoon will have three certain spells on it. Something you haven't heard of before. You will have exactly two weeks to find out what is wrong with your animal, and you will explain - _each one of you_ - in detail, about how you found out your jinxes, and you will perform the counter curse. This counts as a *test* grade so you better not come unprepared." he glared at Neville, who seemed to shrink in size. "And if you *lose* your racoon, you will *not* be getting a new one."

Draco and I looked at each other a moment, and he looked away, glancing across the room at Harry, who was getting into a major argument with Pansy. He seemed to argue with people more and more as the day would progress, but in that class alone, he lost us fifty points and got a detention.

Draco looked at me and smirked, once again. "It seems you can't win anyway. No matter how *great* and *wonderfully smart* you Gryffindors are , you will still lose points. And, if you withhold information on me - Snape will make it seem like *you* were trying to make *me* into an idiot, and you will lose your points."

"Malfoy, I said I would not withhold information. And, Snape *also* said - in case you weren't listening - that if we *both* do not present information, then we will *both* fail the project." and that was something to make his smirk flicker, but reappear.

"Yes. So you need to remember that." there was something about him - something different, that raced through his beautiful blue eyes. Something I hadn't seen before, and couldn't recognize, and it wasn't until we got out racoon that I found out.

I held him up by his tail, for every other part of him was pussed and blueish orange. His head seemed to look like and apple, while the rest of him looked normal. His tail wasn't affected, and for that I was grateful. "I don't know . . . What do *you* think it is?" and I held him towards Draco, who backed away.

"Get it away from me!" he hissed, his lips trembling. 

"Oh, Malfoy, he is *not* contagious. He won't ruin your *perfect* face or anything like that."

"I don't fucking care!" he hissed again. And the it hit me. 

"Why, Malfoy . . . You aren't *afraid* of racoons, are you?"

The words to make few heads turn and stare.

Draco tried to keep his cool, his eyes now full of the emotion I had missed earlier: fear. And I did feel sorry for him then, as he looked around the room, at the people staring, and his hands trembled under the table.

I pulled the racoon away from him. And laughed. "Well, you could have fooled me, Malfoy," and the heads returned to what they were doing before I interrupted them.

Draco looked at me, strangely. No emotions in his eyes, for they were easy to see the emotions, but hard to tell what they were. He looked at the racoon, then into my eyes, then across the classroom at the people who were no longer staring at him.

Snape dismissed us, and Draco and I packed up out things, our elbows bumping from time to time. "It's okay, Malfoy," I said, grabbing the racoon and stuffing him into the cage I had made just minutes before. "I'll take him this whole time. I'll share my information with you, so you don't look like a complete asshole who let me do all the work. And - you don't even have to say thank you."

He stared at me again, but still said nothing.

"And you had better share information with me, too, Malfoy. Or I will not care if we fail this class."

"Yes, you will," he snapped, back to his normal self again. "And I *said* I'd share my work with you, okay? But, so none of us does more, we'll have to work together. Come to the library tonight after supper, and bring your . . . *thing* with you." and he grabbed his books, and left, hitting my shoulder as he passed.

A strange feeling floated in me, and that's when I realized it.

When the *hell* had I fallen for Malfoy?!


	2. The Bluest Blue

CHAPTER TWO: The Bluest Blue

Harry and Ron and I walked to Hagrids cabin after our classes were over, and on the way there, we spoke of Snape's project. "And I thought *I* had it bad, being paired with Millicent," said Ron, smiling at me sympathetically. "But You got *Malfoy,*" he and Harry laughed. "Well . . . what did he say. Give me one reason to hex him, and I will!" Ron vowed, showing me his wand to prove it.

"Honestly, Ron, he didn't say anything that would offend me more than Mudblood. Which he did call me. Once." 

Ron angrily looked towards the castle, where Draco was walking around with Crabbe and Goyle, all laughing cruelly at something. Or someone. "I do not think he understands what trouble he's going to be in if he calls you something like that another time." Ron looked at Harry, who was also glaring at the platinum haired boy, who wasn't so far away from us, but walking in the opposite direction.

"He is right, Hermione. Next time he says it, just tell us, and we'll give him something he'll never forget."

"Now really, you two!" I cried, rising to Draco's offence, for no reason at all. They stared at me, bewildered. "Draco and I have come to an agreement. We will meet in the Library tonight, and work *together* to pass this project."

"Since when does Malfoy agree?" Ron asked, shortly before Harry said, "And since when do you call him Draco?"

They looked at me, and I flushed, holding my books tightly to my chest. "Oh, come on, you two . . ."  
"You were also looking at him strangely this morning, 'Mione," Ron added, to make me go even brighter.

"And, come to think of it, you've looked at him all week . . . Maybe even longer . . ." Harry added. "Okay. I *demand* to know what is going on!"

"Oh, Harry, *nothing* is going on! I am just watching him to see what makes him tick - is all! I want to get back at him as much as the two of you do - but I can't unless I know what to do to *make* him hurt!" and I surprised myself with the way I said that, as if that were my plan all along, and *not* that I was in love with him.

They seemed to consider my reason, and when they found it believable, they continued their argument they had had the morning over breakfast. I cast a quick glance over my shoulder, to look at Draco once more, and saw him looking back at me, his face blank, before he angrily stomped away, Crabbe and Goyle following him.

~~~~~~~

Lavender and Parvati giggled on their beds as I showed them my choice of clothing for that night. "Well, Hermione, it looks *great* if you want to appear as a grandmother!" Parvati exclaimed, before hopping off of her bed, and opening her trunk. "Tell me, please, what is the occasion - because I *know* it can't be that you want to look old!"

I sighed. "Fine . . . But you can't tell *anyone* or I will tell them about your fake nose!" She covered it with her hand, and narrowed her eyes at me, in a playful way, as I told Lavender I'd tell them about Mr. Snuggly Pooh that she slept with. 

They both laughed. "Okay, Hermione, we won't tell a soul." Lavender said, her eyes twinkling. 

"Okay . . . I am going to meet a guy that I rather like," they knew about me and Draco's meeting, so I had to think quickly. "after me and Draco are done with our project. I want to look *nice* but not like I dressed up especially to see them, you know?"

Parvati smiled, "I have got the perfect thing for you, darling." she pulled out her robe of red, which she explained brought out the colour in my eyes, and put my hair into a strange hair do, that I wouldn't normally wear, but would often afterwards. Lavender applied light make up to my face: brown eyeliner, and a blackish eye shadow.

They examined me when I was finished, and Parvati exclaimed it looked to obvious, and changed my robe to a gorgeous dark blue, and put my hair down. Then, Lavender took off my black eye shadow, and put on black eyeliner instead. "There," they exclaimed at the same time. "Casual," said Lavender, wrapping a scarf around herself, "But in a sexy way . . . You will get lots of stares at dinner tonight, and *hopefully* you'll get *his* too."

~~~~~~

As soon as I entered the Great Hall, many people turned to look, and some kept their gazes on my longer than others did, but I felt like a lunatic, dressing that way just to eat and then go to the library. I looked over at the Slytherin table and, to my dismay, saw that Draco wasn't even looking my way, but rather at the girl beside him that he had his arm across. I recognized her as Revine Langstern, a fifth year who was more of a snob than anyone I knew.

I took my normal seat, between Harry and Ron, and grabbed some light food. Something I wouldn't look like a complete fool if I tried to eat it, although I was starving for some chicken. Ron and Harry stared at me, their eyes bulging, as I ate some bread and drank Pumpkin Juice. 

Harry flushed as he spoke, and Ron had to nudge him. "What the heck are you all . . . dressed up . . . for?" he looked over at the Slytherin table, at a smug Draco, who still hadn't looked at me, once. "Surely it's not for-" and out of panic, I grabbed Harry's hand and batted my lashes.

"So . . . *do* you think I look nice, then?" I purred, but thought, _This is absolutely ridiculous. This should be *Ron*, then they would understand me being all over them! But *Harry?!*_

Ron looked so jealous that I realised Harry's hand, whilst Harry just stared. _And, I may lose my friends in the process of gaining Malfoy . . . Is it really worth it? _

Draco finally looked my way, and his eyes flashed millions of emotions, his smirk reducing to nothing, nothing . . . . nothing. The same blank stare I had received earlier, as we went to Hagird's house. Then, he gave me his evil smirk, and kissed Revine full on the lips! My heart beat a painful thud, and I returned my gazes back to angry Ron, and confused Harry. If Malfoy looked back at me again that night, I wouldn't know.

"Um . . . right . . ." I said, leaning over to kiss Ron's cheek, praying that Draco had seen it, and then wondering that if he *had*, why would he even *care*? Ron's anger vanished, and, though Harry was still confused, we acted as if tonight wasn't anything out of the ordinary. "Harry, I'll need to talk to you later. After me and Malfoy meet . . . outside of the library." For Parvati and Lavender were expecting me to meet a guy there, and if I didn't meet up with some one, then they'd know who I was *really* looking for.

He nodded, and began to eat his food, while I just sat there, nibbling on bread, but praying that I could eat more, as my stomach growled loudly enough for Harry, Ron, and Neville to hear. "You aren't hungry, Hermione?" Harry questioned, his eyes full of concern for me. _Oh, Harry, if only it was *you* that I loved . . . _

"No, no. I'm on a diet. I bought this beautiful gown - but I can't fit into it yet."

"Since when do you care what you are wearing?" Ron demanded. If only he didn't know me so well . . .

"Since I realized I was sixteen and without sexuality!" I said, the first thing that crossed my mind. Harry and Ron looked at each other again, and I sensed Draco leaving the room.

"Without . . . Hermione . . . what are you *talking* about?" They both demanded me to answer, now, and I had no idea what say. For, what would make them understand, anyway?

"Oh, never mind, I'll just have to wait *another* week before I get that gown." and then, I ate as much as I wanted, for Draco wasn't there to see if I made a fool of myself or not.

And, when I was actually full, and didn't want anymore, I went back to my dorm to get the racoon, and hurried to the Library, where Malfoy was waiting, impatiently. "God, Granger, I was getting ready to leave if you kept me here any longer."

"Yes, yes, I know." I put the racoon cage on the table in front of him, and he stared, as if freaked out, "I brought Mr. Really. Yes, I named him. Anything that lives deserves a name." and Draco's expression that clearly showed nothing but fear amused me, and pained me. Perhaps I did deserve to get back at him, after all that he put *me* through - but it was never a lot, and there would be a time for it - later.

So, I put Mr. Really down on the floor beside us, and took a seat. "alright, Granger," he growled, "So you know I am afraid of racoons. Go ahead and tell your little friends and torment me with them. What do I care? But I'll get you back, so just-"

"You are very thick, are you not? I told you I won't tell them anything that is repeated between us, alright?" he didn't say anything. "*Alright* Malfoy?"  
"Sure."

His eyes didn't change from the icy state they were in as he slid a book across the table and into my hands, the same he had done years before. It seemed he remembered, too, for he looked away from me and went to receive his *own* book. "Granger," he said, after sitting back down and opening his book, "You and I are not friends. Okay? I cannot stand the sight of you, and no matter what you do or say - that will never change. "

"What have I ever done to you, Malfoy?" and it was easier to call him that when he was angry. When I was frustrated.

He didn't answer, only looked down at his book, and stared at the words. It was obvious he wasn't reading, but he was trying to refrain from answering me.

"Well?" I demanded, once more.

"*THAT*," he snapped, loudly, the librarian giving him looks. He refused to look her way. "The way that you always treat me like you are my mother. And the way that your think that you are *so* smart and shove it in every bodies face!" I could tell there was more, but he wouldn't say anything else, only glared at me longer.

Those eyes of his had me engrossed. I wanted so badly to believe he wasn't such a bad guy. That I could melt the ice in his eyes. "Is that really it, or is it the fact that I'm a muggle born?"

"You're a Mudblood, is all. And that's all you'll ever be to me."

And I glared at him. "You know, Malfoy, that's the reason you don't have any friends! Because you're rude and hurtful! You're going to judge people by their backgrounds - and *that's* why Harry didn't want to be your friend!" 

The librarian sshhed us once more, and gave us a warning look.

People came in in flocks by that point. The noise level began to increase and the Librarian gave everyone the evil glare and muttered, "Of course Professor Snape *had* to assign this project to half of the Hogwarts student body didn't he?" and she rushed past our table to yell at two seventh year students who were throwing books at each other. 

"It seems we were the first ones here," I said, not meaning for Draco to hear.

"Wish it could *stay* that way," and as I wrote down lots of interesting facts, Draco rubbed his nose and his temples, sighing loudly ever few seconds. "Look, I can't concentrate in here, Granger. How about we take these books tonight and pass off information in the hall tomorrow."

"People would think you were passing me a note." said I, amused at his newest expression. I could now read three on him: anger, frustration, and fear. Which was better than before. 

He growled, "Yes, and already people are saying I am going out with you. You're ruining my reputation."

"Then tell them the truth!"

"It doesn't matter! People believe what they want to." he thought for a moment. "We could just wait until Wednesday and pass off our information in Snape's class-"

"It would take longer than if we were to do it in person."

"Then *you* think of an idea, Granger!" he was impatient. And angry. Not a very good combination for someone hanging out with him.

The librarian told us to be quiet once more.

"We could . . . find some place more quiet . . ." said I, trying not to sound excited. He didn't look up from the book he was reading. "You remember that place you found Harry leaving last year? Well, we used it for D.A meetings. It turns out, if you think what you're looking for, and pace that wall three times - it'll appear." still, he said nothing. "Okay, Malfoy, I was only trying to help! But -"

"I *don't* want to go to a room where it's only you and me *alone*. Did I not just explain to you what people are saying about us? And, if they fucking found out we were in a bloody room together - *alone* then-"

"It was *just* a suggestion," and I tried not to show how crestfallen I was.

He glanced around the room, where all kinds of people had gathered, each one of them whispering heatedly to each other - but trying not to get loud for the fear they'd be kicked out. However, their attempts at being quiet, only made the lot of them *seem* loud. It was driving the librarian mad. "Fine." he snapped. "Fine. We'll go. But you will leave before me, and then I'll go as well. No funny business."

"Hm, that's strange. I was under the impression that you never laughed."

"Do you *want* to see me smile?" 

"Sure. Just to prove you can do it."

He sighed, annoyed, obviously, and then moved the seventeen muscles on hi s face to a quick smile, and let it disappear. He appeared to be in great pain, and relaxed his muscles, rubbing them. "Wow," I said, actually amazed. "I didn't think you knew how."

"Of course I know how, you prat! I just don't do it often! I'll bet you couldn't go *one* day without being the smartest girl in school."

"And *I'll* bet you couldn't go one day without putting that glue stuff in your hair."

"Not funny." he said, though he looked slightly amused. "We're going to have to do this the hard way. It's not like we don't have two weeks, any way, right? Take the book you have with you, and give me your notes on Wednesday, and if I can find any - I'll give them to you." and an agreement was made.

It was only when we were about to leave the library (the librarian looked thankful) that he brought up my dress. I had forgotten I was wearing it, too. "Why the hell are you so dressed up, Granger?"

"Oh . . ." and I looked towards Harry, who was waiting for me at the front door.

"You and Potter?" his eyebrow raised. "Now that's different. I thought you were in love with the Weasel. But, you and scar-head will make such an *interesting* pair. And, I, will be the one who does most of the laughing."

I grinned. "As if you and Revine are any better." he paled considerably.

"I hate that bitch."

Journal Entry

__

Today did NOT go as I had wanted it to. Harry was still in his moods when I went up to him, and we got into an argument right away. Draco, who loves to watch fights, especially is Harry is in them, turned around to watch. 

Poor librarian. She nearly burst into tears, yelled at us, and then kicked us out.

Harry and Draco then went at it in the hallway, and it ended up with them both unconscious, and laying sprawled out on the floor, their wands beside them. I didn't know what to do - nobody was in the hallway -and damn me for eternity! I found my opportunity and seized it. Draco was asleep, so he wouldn't feel it - right?

And I kissed him. It wasn't even long - just a quick peck, which left my heart pounding - and he woke up, with me standing over him, inches from his face. "What the hell are you doing, Granger?!" although it was in a very hoarse voice. I tried to figure out what Harry had hit him with, but couldn't tell. And *that* was when Draco's chest began to swell, and soon he had breasts.

Oh, I couldn't contain the laughter that rose up my throat! It seemed they both ended up with chests and . . . *other* female parts. Somehow, when they yelled at the same time for their hexes, they got intertwine and caused a "sex change" spell. Draco was screaming and nearly in tears. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY DICK?!!" he cried, grabbing himself where it should have been.

And Harry, who was breathing hard and *also* on the verge of losing it, replied, "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MINE?!" and I took two very sad boys to the infirmary, to a bewildered Madame Pomfrey, who insisted they stay until Wednesday afternoon. Draco lost it then, and burst into emotional tears. 

Madame explained to me, as a man, Draco would never cry - but as a woman, all his emotions he would normally have kept bottled up, exploded out. It was terrible. Harry and he were crying and yelling everything they ever held back about each other. Harry hates Draco. Draco hates Harry. You're kind of cute and I hate you for it. You have a sexy smile and I want it as mine! Once I wished you were gay! I longed to kiss you . . . and on, and on it went.

Then, Draco turned to *me*. "You!" he spat. "Sometimes I hate you with a passion! Sometimes you mean absolutely nothing to me! I hate you - you Mudblood! . . . But not always . . . Tonight, I thought you looked beautiful in that dress . . . And I wanted to touch you - but your attitude *completely* ruined it! I hate you!" and then Madame Pomfrey insisted I should leave.

So, here I am. Writing about DAY ONE of seducing Malfoy. He won't remember his outbursts on Wednesday, and so I plan to change m attitude to something that suits him.

Oh, and also, Parvati and Lavender think it went very bad with Harry. They are now giving him the cold shoulder.

A/N: Well, thank you to my three reviewers I love you! No flames yet. Yay! But, I'm get them soon. *sniffle* I always do . . . I tried to make this one a tad longer since I won't be on in a LONG time starting tomorrow. Thank you again!!


	3. So Bleed

CHAPTER THREE: So Bleed

I want to thank all of my reviewers!! I love each and every one of you! And, I always feel guilty when someone reviews my stuff if I haven't reviewed theirs - so, tell me if you would like me to read your story! I'd love to!!

Oh, and it turns out - we don't get report cards until January 13th! Yay!

Tuesday morning was my chance, and I knew I would have to make it last me an eternity, when I only have about ten minutes. Maybe fifteen at tops. I told Parvati and Lavender I was going to go to the Infirmary and question Harry. Ask him what he truly thought about me - since he was obliged to tell the truth as his complete opposite. And what was best - he wouldn't remember me asking about it afterwards!

So, they once again put me on their pedestal, and examined my hair, make up, and clothing. "Hermione, I don't think there is much for you to do . . . You look great in blue - but if Harry didn't notice *last* time, what's the sense in doing it again?"

I looked at the floor. "Well - when he began telling me the truth - you know - the way he felt about me . . . He said I was beautiful. He only didn't want to say anything before because . . . I was acting too . . . clingy." and I hated my eyes! They betray me all the time! I can't lie, with them, or it will show!

Parvati smiled then, one big enough to swallow her beautiful face. "Okay . . . Maybe you need to get *more* elegant. Harry likes you when your *beautiful* he did *not* say you were sexy. So, subconsciously, that means he isn't looking for a girlfriend who wear *revealing* clothing. He wants a pretty one. A grand one . . . But you don't want him to know you are dressing for him, am I right?" I nodded, feeling oh so guilty about all of this. "Okay then . . . maybe we should consult Lavender about this."

And I left their room wearing a beautiful, tight fitting around the waist, blue robe. It looked casual, so I didn't stand out in the crowd, but it also looked elegant. So I *did* stand out.

Madame Pomfrey let me in, but *only* because I told her I was giving them their homework, and because I had already seen them before. "But I must warn you. They still are not themselves. They still have a bosom to them, which slowly reduces every minute r so. And, once they *look* like they are normal, they still will not *act* themselves until tomorrow. And, if they start yelling at you again like they did last night - I will throw you out, and you will not be allowed back here unless *you* are sick." and with that, I was allowed to visit my best friend, and my worst enemy.

The looked so calm, laying there in their beds, small smiles on their faces as they read muggle magazines. Draco preferred Seventeen, whilst Harry was reading Redbook. It was also funny - the magazines were American ones. 

"Hello, Draco," I said, sitting down in the chair beside him . . . er - *her*

She looked at me for a moment, and then made a grunt of disgust noise. "I know who you are. You're that girl who visited last night, aren't you?" her eyes travelled from my face to the low neckline of my dress. "Not bad. Though, you *do* annoy me to no end. It's funny. *She* annoyed me too, until we started talking. She's really a nice girl." Draco pointed at Harry.

"What's that, Dracola?" Harry asked, in a voice that was almost as feminine as Draco's.

"Nothing Harriet!" he turned to me, his eyes so beautifully innocent. "You know, she's really a very annoying girl. Once she starts talking it's hard to get her to quit. She wanted to talk *all night* but I put my foot down after three in the morning. A girl has got to get her beauty sleep, you know."

I smiled, forcefully. It didn't look like I'd get any answers from the *real* Draco, until his chest had disappeared. Or he began acting more like himself. "I know."

"Now . . . explain to me again, why you came?"

And I managed to stay until their chests were gone, and they no longer looked female. "Draco - do you like me?" I blurted. "Is there any hope for us to get together in the future?"

He looked at me again. "If their is, it's very small right now."

And that was all I needed to know. I'd make it work.

I *had* to make it work.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I joined Ron for breakfast then, and rested my head on his shoulder. "Oh, Ron, I'm exhausted."

He blushed all over, it seemed. "That's nice . . . Hey, what's going on with Harry? I heard he and Malfoy got into a fight in the corridor outside the library - and that you witnessed it . . . So - " his face was oh, so eager.

"No. I will not tell you. All that you need to know is - that if it happened to you - you would hate it. And you wouldn't like for me to tell anyone about it . . ." his facial features appeared crestfallen. "Oh, Ron - think of it was - I'm protecting *you*."

He scowled. "Oh yes. Since it's *actually Harry* then I can just *pretend* it's me. I mean, we are exactly the same." and how jealous he seemed right then.

It would be easy for anyone but me to see the bad qualities in Ron. I did know he was very stubborn, and didn't notice he was as good at some things as he actually was, and he *did* seem to get upset over nothing sometimes - but that was all. He was extremely handsome. Over the fifth year summer - he had transformed from the awkwardly tall, slim red headed that he was, to someone who was almost the exact opposite. His skin had always been fair, but now that his hair had grown darker - almost a black - it really brought out the colour in his eyes. Now, he wasn't so skinny as before - he had built into his height. His arms were so . . . *muscly* and now he had greatly defined abs. He looked better than Harry did now - only everyone liked Harry a little more - because of his fame. Always the fame.

And Draco - he was very beautiful in a too pale - too blonde - too angry way. I wasn't sure on how he looked better . . . Nobody was . . . but . . . there was just *something* about him.

"Ron, I love you both the *same* and you should know it! . . . I just . . . Harry's a little more on the . . . *more* side. As more than a friend - but you are more of a friend. To *me*." it ended so lamely, I could have slapped myself.

And then, darned if that red headed fool didn't try to kiss my lips! I turned my head just at the last moment. Maybe it was dumb - but I would save my first kiss for someone whom I loved. Just as I would save everything*else* on me. It was quiet unheard of, I was sure. being sixteen and never kissing a soul . . .

Ron appeared frightened he had tried to do what he had thought about since the third year at Hogwarts, and mumbled an apology, before excusing himself to go to do homework. "Ron!" I cried, rushing to grab his arm. "I think you are *very* special . . ." and it was a morbid lie for me - but he took it the right way all the same.

"Then maybe . . ." and he no longer spoke, but blushed furiously.

"Um . . . sure . . ." and then I let go and looked away. _They can see through my lies. Maybe they've known I liked Malfoy all along, and were waiting to see how long it took for me to admit it to them. _"Ron . . . I have something to tell you . . . Meet me . . . I dunno, in the Common Room around three tomorrow morning . . . But promise me you will not hate me for this. It has to do with . . . the person I like . . . And I'm afraid you will hate me -"

He grinned. "Oh, 'Mione, I've known all along."

"You did?"

"Yeah! I was just waiting for you to come out . . . I'm glad you're confided in me instead of Harry."

"How long have you known?"

"Oh . . . since fourth year, I assume." he took my fingers and laced them with his, as I uncomfortably squirmed in his grip. "You don't have to be uncomfortable. When you were always hugging on Harry and kissing on him and confiding in him - I was jealous - even *when* I knew the truth. But, I got over it. I noticed you kept glancing at the Slytherin table at Malfoy . . . And you wanted to get back at him . . ."

"Ron? I didn't -"

"If you are a lesbian and in love with Revine, I'm okay with that."

And my jaw dropped through the floor. "I AM NOT A LESBIAN!!" I cried, before rushing down the corridor, my face turning bright red. How many people had heard?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Draco was back to his normal self that afternoon. At least, he *looked* himself. And, he spoke in his nromal voice, as well. "Hello, Dracola," said I, bringing him roses. The flowers he had said he loved when he was himself. Of course, he didn't know I had heard him - but I did. "I believe that roses make your skin look so . . . beautiful."

He looked up at me, that same anger in his eyes. I almost believed he was himself, but Madame Pomfrey had warned me he wasn't yet. Even though he did look and sound it. She was throwing away tons of tissues at that point, for Harry and he both had been crying everything they had held inside for so long. "Hello . . . Hermione . . ." and he smiled at me, something that made my knees weak, even though I knew it was his woman speaking. "How did you know that I liked roses?"

"I . . . you told me . . ."

"Did I?" he fingered one thoughtfully. "Listen, Gran - Hermione. People have been coming by a lot more and more. I know I am in Slytherin, and people would not approve of you coming to see me. And - I think that you should just forget about being my friend while I'm in here. Because once I leave, it will be back to normal. Why get your hopes up?"

"Are you okay?" I questioned. He didn't seem himself . . . *herself*

"Look," he snapped. "Granger. Stop liking me. I don't like you. I never have. I never will. You make me *sick*, okay? You're a filthy Mudblood and I would never love you!"

He *was* himself. That was why it was all going wrong. Madame Pomfrey had miscalculated. "I do not want for you to love me!" I cried. "I don't even want you to like me! I only wanted to bring you flowers and make up for the humiliation you'll be receiving when you go back to school!"

"Stop lying Granger! You like me! I see it in your eyes. I even fucking hear it in your voice. GET OVER ME -"

"Draco . . ." I was wounded. So wounded. The only hope I had been living off of was fake.

"You'd be my whore," he said, smiling. "I'd use you over and over again. You'd only be good for *one* thing, Granger. Remember that. Remember that when you're at home crying your eyes out." he then kissed my forehead softly. Giving my a tiny drop of love - something he didn't recognize he was giving me. "But thank you. For caring."

And I stood up, hurting all over, my forehead numbing. "Fine . . . I'll go . . . Goodbye, Draco . . ."

And I left. Did as he said. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore.

JOURNAL ENTRY

__

And, that was basically how my day went. I don't believe he would say it. I don't believe Ron could think I was gay. I don't believe that he actually said something nice *and* kissed me . . . I don't *want* to believe. I hate him. I hate him so much I can barely breathe . . . But my love for him is too strong to break by rejection. How sad for him, for me.

So Bleed: for Malfoy

I love you but it's painful.

But addicting like the blood.

You knew how to take me forever

was to give a drop of love.

I'm like a vampire now.

Waiting to get more.

And as long as I'm so WILLING

I'll always be your whore.


	4. The Night Of Rape

CHAPTER FOUR: The Night Of Rape

When Draco and Harry got better, Snape said they could have three extra days to work on our assignment. HE told the class they had been out for "personal" problems, but everybody knew what really had went on, and they thought it was hilarious. Oh, I felt so vulnerable and naked when he told us to back into our groups and Draco headed toward me. Determined not to let him know he had hurt me, I eyed him heatedly, and locked eyes with his. _ I'm going to make you suffer. _I thought, and it put a weak smile on my lips. "Well, while you were gone, I took the time to do some extra work. Here are three feet worth of notes I've taken. Since there are no *secrets*between us." 

He snatched the notes from me, before I shoved them at his chest. "Swell," he stated, not even looking at them. "And, don't think you were the *only* one who bothered to do anything, because *I* took notes, too." and he handed me his, which was almost as long as mine.

There was silence, for a moment, and so he looked over my notes. I didn't want to watch him, but I couldn't look away. I had taken so many, and added additional thoughts, just hoping to impress him. I already knew he wanted a girl who was smart and beautiful, and I was determined to become just that. I was winning over his affection, I could see it in the way some of the ice in his eyes was melting - then he smirked.

"What is wrong with my notes, Malfoy?" I snapped.

"We copied from the same book."

I rolled my eyes at him, and opened up his rolled parchment. He was watching me, still with that stupid smirk on his face, and it was annoying everything in me! How could he still have that stupid anger in hi towards me, when I had tried to give him everything to make it disappear?! I scanned them, then.

Oh, damn him to hell! He was right! "Well that's just great. We've missed out on a full day of work." I snapped. I like doing work. But when I have to do *more* it drives me mad. "Bloody hell . . ." I muttered, and looked over at Harry, for no apparent reason.

It seemed he was having some trouble getting along with Pansy. He was snapping at her, in a low voice, and she was elbowing him in the side. He told me that was a major pet-peeve of his, so I knew he was just trying to hide his anger. How handsome he looked, with his cheeks red, and his green eyes shinning. And then, he looked up and saw me.

Through the corner of my eyes, I saw Draco watching me, so I took it as an opportunity to smile at Harry and blow a kiss.

True, I was digging myself deeper into a hole, playing Harry and Ron the way I was, but it would be worth it . . . Eventually.

Harry frowned once more. Clearly, he wasn't yet used to my sudden affection on I lavished on him. The way I was putting him on a pedestal. Maybe, in the end, his heart would be broken. Or maybe, it would me mine. It didn't matter. We still had a few more days left.

"A book I got you, Malfoy, that might be of some service to you. " and I handed him: _Spells You've Never Heard of by: Nadia Lemstrong_.

He took it, and scanned it, as I looked through another book of mine that I truly enjoyed. It had everything from Azkaban, down to Zonko's, and it had mysterious spells, as well. It seemed Snape had worked long and hard to find a project that would stump his class. Something that he could gloat about. And there he was, walking over to Ron and Millicent, deducting house points from us Gryffindors. He had that old, shadowy appearance. He was cold, and angry, and it scared the hell out of me. Of course, he *would* be the one who would love to fail us all.

"Class, since nobody seems to be getting anywhere with this assignment, we are going to work on something else during the day, and you can finish everything else at night. Now, if you would kindly look at these papers-" they magically appeared in our hands, "- and you'll find the ingredients inside the cupboard. Get to work."

Draco sighed, and in a bored, and somewhat whinny voice, he began to read. "Okay, that's twenty strands of dragon hairs, an eye of a newt, three frog legs, and a . . . a bolethrawt?"

"Bolethrawt, Malfoy," I explained. "It's a type of potion mix that deduces boils . . ."

He made a disgusted look, and watched as I picked out the ingredients. "What the fuck are we making, anyway?" he asked, more to himself.  
"Beats me. Isn't it on that slip?"

He shook his head. "Honestly, Granger, if it was *on* the fucking slip would I *ask* you?"

"CONTRARY to what you ignorant Slytherin's believe, I *don't* know everything," and I angrily threw them into the boiling cauldron. "It has to set for twenty minutes . . . so, we can do anything, now . . ."

And he spent his time talking to Crabbe, who was a two places behind us. I watched him, as he absentmindedly moved his hand towards the cauldron. "Um - Malfoy -" I began.

"OW! God damn fucking Christ!" he exclaimed as his finger slung itself into the searing potion. He pulled it out, and went to stick it in his mouth, a natural reaction to a burn.

"Don't! Are you *crazy*?! You don't know what's in there and you're going to shove it in your *mouth*?!" he froze, and I watched his eyes water. His poor finger, it was deteriorating, blood was dripping on the floor like a faucet. "I can fix it . . ." and I thought a moment. "The blood potion - Here - give it to me." he hadn't looked at it yet, and once he did, he paled more. _Now I know what he's afraid of . . . _And I took his finger lightly in my hand.

Snape was walking towards us, everybody seemed to want to know what had happened to cause Draco's outburst. The blood, that kept pouring into my palm, felt warm and sticky, and I felt sick to my stomach, as I whispered some well chosen words. His finger grew back, but the dark blood stayed in my hand, and all over the floor. People around us were getting sick, and most of them were leaving the classroom.

Soon, it was only Draco, me, and Snape, who glared at us hatefully. "You two will clean up this mess, and I'll take fifty points from Gryffindor for ruining my lesson. While you're cleaning up this . . . vomit . . and blood - I'll be gathering up my class." and he walked out of the room, closing the door tightly behind him.

Draco looked at me, and I whimpered at the blood in my hands. Truthfully, I hated it too, and - as stupid as I feel to say this - I began to cry. 

Not loudly, and with lots of tears, but more of a whinny - teary thing. Draco only watched me, and then sighed. "Don't cry, Granger." he snapped. "Not *now*," and then he wiped off the blood with a napkin. There is no spell in the wizarding world, that can clean up blood. So, he did as best as he could on my hand, and on the floor, while I cleaned up the vomit.

All the potions in the class room had turned to huge bowls of dark blood. I couldn't tell if they get sick because of Draco's finger, or their potion. And it didn't matter anymore, for I was already tired of this class.

I didn't want to say anything to anyone, but I felt terribly ill. My fingers shook, my head and stomach ached, and bile kept rising up my throat. Draco noticed my trembling fingers when class was almost over. Snape had told us we would have to stay after everyone else left, and he was more than angry with me. "If you had of *warned* me, Granger," he hissed, while I buried my head in my arms. My back burned, it seemed. I was beginning to wonder then, if maybe his blood had done something to me.

I didn't reply to him, I just tried to keep working, although every few seconds my brain would black out, and I'd have to do it over again. "Are you alright, Granger?" it wasn't with any concern. Just . . . . I don't know . . . curiosity. Draco *loved* to see me sweat.

I nodded, though my brain felt like it was bumping against my skull. My brain, sensing my lack of control. _Why Hermione, why???? _

He watched me a moment longer. "Are you sure? Because-"

"I'm fine *purey*" I snapped. A 'purey' is a bad name for a full wizard. I never said it before, because I never felt it. But sometimes . . . Your brain takes over.

He just stared at me, somewhat outraged. Somewhat humoured. Somewhat hurt. 

Nothing else was said, as the class ended, and we gathered out books.

Harry and Ron walked over to me, ignoring Draco, and smiled. "Well, have fun with Snape." Ron said, grinning at me sympathetically.

"And if Malfoy does anything to you . . . We'll hex him." Harry said to me, so that Malfoy didn't hear. Maybe he had finally gotten across that I "liked" him, for he winked at me, and passed me a slip of paper. "Don't read it until Midnight." he warned, before leaving with everybody else.

Nobody came over to Draco. Nobody even looked at him, as he glanced around the room. Out of all the years I had known him - I hadn't ever considered he had any emotions besides hate in him. Now, I knew a lot of them, and we had only been "together" for three days. I knew he was angry when he was, as I could tell with fear, and affection, and sarcasm . . . It seemed . . . he was human.

But I had never considered that he was lonely.

"Malfoy-" I began, after watching him watch the back of Crabbe's head. "You-"

"Shut up." he snapped. "No. I didn't have any friends who come to talk to me. We aren't all like *you*."

I blinked. "No . . . I'm not . . . Me and Ron and Harry are friends . . . But they like each other more. I'm kind of just . . . there . . ." and I instantly regretted that I had said it. Something that had bugged me since the fifth year., when Harry grabbed Ron out of the lake rather than me . . . And the way they acted when they were talking to just me . .. I was a tag along.

And stupid enough to tell every damn thing to Malfoy!

Curse him to hell!

Snape gave us a lecture about being careless, and showing off, and being silly, and then dismissed us. 

And once I walked out into the corridor - that was when *it* happened.

I purged up my insides, and blacked out, falling right onto something soft.

~~~~~~

When I finally woke up, someone was standing over me and holding my hand. At the moment, I couldn't see who it was. I couldn't feel anything but the hand that was entwined with mine.

I knew it belonged to a guy. It was soft, but it was rough feeling too. My finger absentmindedly traced the line across the thumb nail, that had been chewed on lately. I could see, but couldn't really comprehend what was going on, or what I was seeing . . . And then . . . when my eyes were focused, I saw a flash of emerald green. "Harry?"

~~~~~~~

"Well, well, Ms. Granger, it's about time you came back to me. I've been waiting for hours for you to get up." Madame Pomfrey said, with a slight smile on her face. "You can sleep a full day if you wanted to! Which you did! And so many visitors you had. Gryffindors came and went. And a Slytherin even came -" my heart soared "- to drop off your homework."

"Oh . . ." and every happy, silly, hope I had inside a bubble in my brain just popped. Draco wouldn't come to see me if his life depended on it.

"Now then, I suppose you'd like to hear what was wrong with you, eh? Seems you had a small scratch on your hand, and when Mr. Malfoy's blood touched it, it sent . . . some blood potion into you. Now, that is why I tell Professor Snape not to allow that potion. He does it every year with the upper class kids . . . I suppose he enjoys laughing at them or something-"

"Madame? If you don't mind . . . What did that do to me?"

She looked down at me, her old blue eyes shiny with the water that never went away. "Yes, of course . . . Well, supposedly, there is something in actual blood, that causes the potion to . . . come alive - I guess you could say. When it reached your blood, it made the fake grow inside of you . . . as Muggles would call it - you 'eternally bled' -" I gasped! For I *was* a Muggle! "Now, now, dear! It seems you gave Mr. Malfoy quiet a scare. Coughing up blood and passing out. He managed to catch you just in time, you know, which saved your life. If you had hit your head once more . . . I wouldn't have been able to save you . . . He carried you hear, laid you down, and stayed with you until friends arrived. . . If I didn't know better I'd say you were-"

"My friends came? That was sweet . . . When am I allowed out?"

"You can leave whenever you feel up to it, I guess. Though I wouldn't recommend it, until night fall."

And so, I had to wait.

Harry was my only visitor during the day. He told me Ron couldn't get out of class, and he said his "get-wells", and then Harry sat down to talk to me. His hand stayed close to mine, but never held it. I saw that his thumb nail had chipped, and something on the inside of my soared. So, if I couldn't get Draco . . . there was Harry . . . right?

"Glad you didn't die, Hermione, that would be . . "

"Awkward?" I questioned, staring into his green eyes.

"No . . . " he said, laughing. "It'd be upsetting, though. You're my best friend. And - you help me with my homework . . ." he gave off a nervous chuckle.

"Harry? Did Draco - *Malfoy* come during the night?"

He scowled. "Yeah. He was here. Told you he cancelled you're studying tonight, so you could 'rest' . . . Hermione . . . why are you suddenly caring about him?"

"I'm not!" I cried, too quickly, "Just go away, Harry, I don't want to talk right now."

And he left, angrily.

~~~~~~~~

That night, I went for a walk across the campus. I didn't want Harry or Ron to come, so I excused myself at dinner and left. There was just something about . . . the night air, and the moon . . . that made all my troubles go away.

Sure, I knew Harry and Ron and Draco hated each other. I had known it all along. But I hadn't realized how *bad* it had been, until recently. There was no way of us *ever* making it together. Not with my friends being Gryffindors, and his being Slytherins. _And he doesn't even have any friends. _I thought, and chuckled at it.

Suddenly, there he was. He had his broom stick, and was flying around. The moon shone onto his hair, and silvered his face. He looked devilishly handsome, and I could only watch. I didn't want him to see me. I didn't want to see him . . . But I never noticed how graceful someone looked on a broom. Harry had skill . . . But Draco had a lissom thing going on for him. His body was well developed, and his movements were quick. In a snap - I've-got-you manner . . . And I could only watch.

"IS that you Granger?" he cried, from way above me. "Fuck, do you have to stalk me all the time? Let *me* stalk *you* once in awhile." and he grinned, and landed.

_Maybe the moonlight makes him friendly. _

"I'm glad you're okay." he stated. "But you got blood all over me." and he laughed.

"Well . . . thanks for saving my life . . ."

"Hey . . . Fly with me. If you can ride your own broom, I'll let you share mine." and, sensing I didn't know how, he grabbed my arm and pulled me onto his.

"No, Malfoy!" I cried, before he leapt off the ground and we were flying through the air. "Malfoy!" I cried, impatiently, my finger nails digging into his hand. I was good at Quidditch, but I didn't want anyone to know - because I was also afraid of heights. And, to make matters worse - I was riding on a broom with *Draco*! My sworn enemy . . . also, the object of my affection . . .. But someone who could kill me and not feel any remorse! And it scared me.

"Relax, would you?" he snapped, soaring us higher and higher into the night sky. The way I felt, looking down - oh, I'll never forget. Everything about the castle looked romantic. Everything about the way moonlight shown onto it's exterior making it silver - and the way we could look into lit rooms and see people doing things . . . And oh, it was a tingling sensation that rippled across me. Not only because we weren't supposed to be going in that direction, but also because of Draco's being so close. "Don't drop me . . ." I pleaded, finally letting up my nails from his skin. They had drawn blood.

"I don't want to drop you, Granger . . . I just want you to see something . . ." and he said it so stiffly and sarcastically, that I grew afraid, and held tightly onto the broom beneath me. 

"Why?"

"Because we're partners," as if that made all the difference. As if we rode on brooms together every day of our lives, and for me to question it now was crazy. And when i was going to protest again, I felt his cheek collide with mine. His eye lashes tickled the side of my face when he blinked, and made my face burn. His lips weren't touching mine . . . but if I dared to move turn my head slightly to the right . . . His cheek was so smooth . .. . 

And, my body shivered with anticipation as he silently kissed behind my ear, and down to my neck. "Stop!" I cried, fearful. For how could riding on a broom, nearly a mile above then ground, and not watching where you were going be safe?

"Isn't this what you *wanted*, Granger?" he questioned, smirking at me. "I thought if I fucked you, you'd get off my back. Tell me, *darling*, is that what you asked for?" 

"No!' I cried, frightened of his words.

"Then maybe I'll just rape you," said Draco, devilishly, and turned around so quickly I almost lost my balance. He had a Firebolt 2, something they had come up with the summer of our fifth year, and it flew faster than any broom made yet. It could almost read your thoughts, someone once told me. And Draco's thoughts were to take me to the Greenhouse, were nobody ever went, and he could have his way with me there.

I thought, at first, maybe he was only joking. But when we headed straight down, in an almost spiral, I realized he wasn't kidding. 

My insides rose to my throat! Oh, I didn't want *this*! He *wanted* to scare me! He even wanted me to fly off that broom and die. It would end my dumb obsession for him. And people would believe if he said it was only an accident. People died on brooms each year. "scared yet, Mudblood?" he nearly shouted over the wind. We kept going down, down, down - never slowing. It seemed we were actually falling - as if he wasn't leading us towards the glassy shape only a few feet away from us.

My hands were growing slick from the sweat, and I could hardly keep hold on the Firebolt. 2!

I believe that was when the big orange glow passed by my face. The burning ball that burned my lip and caught a piece of my hair on fire. The wind put it out - but then another hit Draco's hand, and caught it to fire almost instantly. "What the *fuck*?!" he cried, as he lost control of the broomstick.

At first, there had only been a few, but now that we had stopped, while Draco tried to heal his hand - more came. And faster. We couldn't see where they were coming from - who was shooting them at us . . . And lucky Draco was a handy flyer. 

We ducked and flew, and spiralled around like there was no tomorrow, and only tiny parts of us got hit. For some odd reason, I turned my head to see Draco's burnt hand. It was blackening, and blistering. Some of it was a bright red. I could tell it was painful, by the expression on his face. In his eyes. He was truly terrified of this. He was having trouble steering when - "Christ, Granger!" he yelled frantically.

His strong arms grabbed me. His left one covered my face and neck, whilst his right was on my waist and close to my breasts. Obviously, he couldn't save me *and* the broom, so he let go of it completely, and we fell down . . . . But always together - only by his hands.

I kept screaming, while he remained silent. We didn't have *very* far to fall . . . At least, it wasn't so high as to we would die of the impact. Maybe shatter a bone, or break something - but it didn't seem fatal. Though it felt it. And once we hit, I was thrown from him by the force of the ground, and my body rolled and I choked on dirt, until i hit the trunk of a tree and laid there. It winded me, and it seemed to take forever for me to breathed again.

I looked, through swollen eyes, at Malfoy, who was laying there, but trying to get up. That was when the voice cried throughout the air," Get rid of her, Draco, or die!" and it was so unfamiliar. A males, I knew that much - but never had I heard it before.

It seemed Draco had, for he began to shake, and breathe just as hard and fast as I was. 

And that was when we watched, in terror, as his broomstick crashed through the Greenhouse glass, and sent it flying toward us.

He covered his face, and I covered mine, but our hands cut open from it.

Nothing was spoke for awhile, and then the clouds moved to cover up the sky. No longer could I see him. "Draco?" I said, in a voice even *I* could barely hear. "Draco??"

He grunted and groaned. "Here, Granger . . . I think that saving your life cost me a broken arm *and* a new Greenhouse. Did you here it break?" I assumed he was talking about his arm, and I answered in a shaky voice, "No."

He neared me, and soon our shoulders were touching. Oh, when his fingers laced with mine, I felt I could cry . . . . And then, I did. Small, pitiful sobs that made my shoulders shake and my face burn. But he only hugged me awkwardly, and mumbled. "My dad will fucking *kill* me . . ."

And leave it to Harry to be the one who found and rescued us.

~~~~

A/N: Woo. Another chappy is finished! Now I can sleep without a guilty conscious. I want to thank all of you reviewers! I love you each!! And I just wanted to add here, that there might only be a few more chapters left, and then I'm finished completely!!

Review please, and no flames. I hate those. But, if you feel you should send it to me - go right ahead. I'll read it to my friends and send my body guard on you. Lol.

LOVE!!!


	5. The First Snow

A/N: Right now I'm only saying that I love all of you reviewers! *hugs all of you until your eyes pop out of your skull* Umm . . . *grabs your eyeballs and runs away* Just to clear up some confused people . . . The chapter for the *last* title should have been the chapter for *this* title. I accidentally messed that up . . . So, I had to change *this* title and now I'm pheffed. Um . . . enjoy! Oh, and also, this chapter gets a little into Draco's head. It's only about 500 words or so - but I did it. It's in 3rd person. I suck at 3rd person so . . . bear with me.

CHAPTER FIVE: The First Snow 

Harry stood there, his eyes flickering over the more pallid than normal Draco, a sobbing me, and a broken Greenhouse window. Lucky for us, when he turned his head to stare, me and Draco's fingers went back to our own hands, and he took a step away from me. "Hermione?" Harry asked, squinting from the lack of moonlight.

"It's me," my voice shook. Everything in me shook. Oh! And I was alone in this!

It happened so quickly, I didn't expect it. But then Harry had pounced on Draco, and shoved him to the ground, his fist flying towards a pale face, while his bony legs wrapped around stronger ones beneath him. For an instant, I was thinking how wonderful they would look together, but that thought was instantly pushed out of my head as I heard Harry grunt with each movement: "Son of a bitch! What are you doing to her? What is *wrong* with you?" and other, hateful statements. Things that made my left foot numb.

"Stop - stop!" I cried, rushing to grab Harry's arm before it hit Draco again. "His arm is broken! Stop it - you'll *hurt* him!" but my attempts to pull him off were useless.

And Draco looked at the point of an out-of-body experience. He looked dizzy from all the pain he was undergoing , and as his lip began to bled, he spoke. Something that as so quiet, Harry had to quit hitting him, and had to stop breathing hard to hear it. "Honestly, Potter, you couldn't be anymore oblivious to any of it, can you? She throws herself on *me* every chance she has. It isn't the other way around."

"Why'd you take her on your broom and danger both of your lives, then, Malfoy?" Harry asked, roughly.

Draco faltered here for a moment. He opened his mouth and closed it again. Then, he laughed weakly. "In only six days, Granger . . ." he looked at me. "*Six* days and I feel like I've known you forever."

That was all. No declaring his love for me. No love look in his eyes. No nothing. _Malfoy, you'll never understand what you mean to me . . . _And my heart broke there. I knew what I had been dreading for a long time. He would always *like* me, from now on - but there was a very slim possibility that he would *like* me.

And, I think I understood it, then. The way I was changing, too, and not even for the better. I could lie to my two best friends for a guy I wasn't ever going to have, and I wasn't dressing like myself anymore. Hell, I didn't even *act* much like myself. I was never the person who hid her feelings inside. No, if I was feeling terrible, *everyone* would feel terrible. Now, I had to watch what I said.

Through the haze, I saw Harry there, and just *knew*.

The guy that I needed had been right there. He hadn't been the one to save my life, or anything like that, but he had been there for me any other time. Ron would rather I be in love with Harry then even like Draco in the tiniest way, and I could feel that like I felt my heart pounding at that very moment.

Harry's lips shown in the moonlight, because he ran his tongue slowly across it. "You're okay then, Hermione?"

I nodded quickly.

Draco was eyeing me cautiously, as if he were afraid Harry would do something to him again.

"Let's help him to the Hospital Wing, Harry." my voice didn't sound like my own. It was low and tired, and it sounded pathetic. Only Harry wasn't paying attention to me. He was still glaring at a crunched up Draco, and evilly glaring . "Harry . . . please leave him alone . . ."

"Okay. Alright." and after a moment, he stuck out his hand, and hoisted Draco to his feet, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. 

Together, the three of us made it to an angry Madame Pomfrey.

::DRACO::

Draco walked inside Herbology the next day, glaring at the Hufflepuffs the Slytherins shared a class with. It seemed everybody knew what had gone on the previous night, even though Potter was the only one who could have said anything - and he couldn't tell everyone within just a few hours. And Madame Pomfrey was sworn to secrecy with her patients.

"So, Malfoy, we hear you've fallen for that big-headed Gryffindor," Revine Langstern said, as he took a seat beside her.

"Fuck off," he snapped back. "You don't know what you're talking about. None of you were there. None of you know what happened. I was going to *rape* the snotty ass bitch, *not* declare my home for her. *Not* do anything romantic. Herm - *Granger* - is a . . ." he couldn't find the right word to say, so he ended it lamely with, "Mudblood."

"I assumed you'd say something like that, Draco," she said, smugly, and kissing his ear. "and I'm so . . . *glad* you still belong to me . . ." her voice, though he hated the bitch, was seductive enough to make the longing in his loins stir.

"I belong to no one!" he snapped, pulling away from her tight grip around his shoulders.

Stunned, she blinked at him repeatedly. "I knew it! I knew you were attracted to that . . . to that *thing* that she is! You'll be killed, Draco, if you go after her! Your father won't be the *only* one who kills you - do you understand? Leave her alone!"

"Shut up! You don't know what I'm going through! Just leave me alone and stay out of my fucking life." and that was when the teacher told the class to cam down, and he mentally killed himself. He had defended the Mudblood, and almost called her by his first name. Never before had he thought Granger was a person. He never thought of her that way. She lusted for him, he assumed. And he lusted for her, as well, but now he was beginning to think it might be deeper than that. She might actually *like* him, and he'd have nothing to say to her. Because he had a problem with woman wanting him, which is why he and Revine ended. She got too obsessive. Too . . .

And now that he had Granger on his back as well, it was going to harder and harder to ignore her. Besides that: he had saved her life. And not just once either. And, in a way, during that night on the brooms, she had saved his life too. Sure, he could say if she hadn't of been there he wouldn't have gotten hit - but that would have been lying. He couldn't get rid of the thought that his father would have killed him if she hadn't of been there.

He would have died if she hadn't of been there. Somehow, she kept him calm. 

There had been competition between him and Harry. Everyone knew that. He hated Weasly for being poor, and Weasely hated him for being rich. With Granger it was all about being smarter. He was *always* in competition with her. It would be weird t start something with someone who made him jealous constantly.

**_But I am not thinking about dating her, _**he scolded himself. _I'm thinking about stealing away her virginity, and in so - getting rid of everything she ever wanted out of life. I'm going to break her heart so badly she'll need a transplant. _And as each day passed, he was only beginning to wonder.

They had worked constantly on that dumb project in Snape's class. It would be due in only three days, and they still had no leads. However, it seemed they were the only ones who actually *tried* to work on it. Everyone else just forgot about it. Or pretended it didn't exist.

And Snape was enthralled about this. Draco had never seen a look on him that resembled so closely to a smile. Granger was sitting by Draco that day, stirring a potion up and muttering to herself. She was annoyed because hers came out looking more of a tan than a light brown, and didn't seem to notice that everybody else in the class was desperately trying to hide that they had gotten a blue. And Draco, of course, was as frustrated as Granger was - their colours were exactly the same, and neither knew what to do to make it darker - when Snape strode into the room, the corners of his lips turned slightly upward as he glanced at the perturbed faces. "So . . . would anybody care to read off their leads that they have at this point?" nobody moved. If anything, it seemed people quit breathing at the mention of that. 

Draco assumed it was because they were trying to pretend it didn't exist, and now they had to face the reality that the project was - in fact - true. 

Not to mention sixty percent of their grade.

Granger was glancing around the room - looking from stricken face to the other, and Draco heard her mutter, "Damn you to hell, Snape."

"How about . . . You. Mr. Potter." the professor said, turning to look at the green eyed boy. "Stand up and explain to the class what you had found out about your animal . . . And maybe you should tell everyone it's name, as well."

Harry looked around the classroom, and Draco could tell he was about to make up everything off the top of his head. "Well . . . er . . . I realized - um - *we* realized . . . that our project has lots of . . . *spots* . . . Really, really green puss looking spots . . . and - well - we haven't been able to find anything on it just yet . . . Er . . . The name was . . . er . . ." he quickly glanced around the room. "Ms. S . . . Ms. Sugar." and with that, he quietly sat down.

"Would anybody *else* like to talk to the class?"

Draco grabbed Granger's lean arm. "Look. Don't let him think we know anything yet. Play it off like we haven't worked on it yet. Alright?"

Granger only shrugged him off. "I was going to tell you the same."

And as soon as she got those words out of her mouth, Snape said, "Ms. Granger . . . how about you and your partner?"

She stood up, pretending to look embarrassed, "We named our racoon Mr. Really. Because he looked really weird." and then she cleared her throat. "As . . . as . . . . *ashamed* as I am to admit it . . . we don't have any leads. At all. And . . . so . . . that's it." and she quickly took her seat, her face flushed.

"Good job."

"I try." and she flashed him a grin that made his blood quicken it's course through his body.

_Malfoy . . . you're losing your mind . . . _

::HERMIONE::

After Draco saved my life, I had hoped that he would change. Not only the way he acted around *me*, but the way he acted around others as well. Like he would be more civilized to Harry and Ron, and not make sarcastic comments that he always did. Maybe he would walk with me to my classes or something, since we were becoming friends . . . I wanted him to announce to people that I wasn't such a snob, and I was capable of having a great conversation with. 

But nothing changed.

At least, not in big portions.

He began to realize what it was like to have a person care about you. Not for your money, or for your reputation, but for the person he actually was. His eyes weren't cold any longer. Not around me anymore. Around Harry and Ron, yes, but it was more like a pseudo than anything else. Sort of as if he was only doing it because everyone expected it, and he didn't want anyone to know . . .

When we didn't want anyone to know we were only meeting to talk, we went to the library and grabbed random books, and pretended as if we were working on our project. Half the time it was, however. We had averaged on thirty five pages worth of notes each day, read about fifteen books each, snuck into the restricted section of the library and looked through books in there, and tried testing samples of Mr. Really's skin to detect anything.

No go.

And every Wednesday we just hung out. It was a sort of unwritten rule of ours. 

"Malfoy." he looked up at me. "I've got an idea for our project. It's due in three days -"

"Actually. It's due in five. We have extra days for ours, remember." too bad I couldn't work past that sarcastic tone of his.

"Oh . . . Right." and then I smiled. "Then that's *better*. It was going to be a very tight squeeze, but now it's just a tight squeeze . . . I was reading an American newspaper the other day, talking about their Ministry of Magic. Not very many students from Hogwarts subscribe to that paper, I'm assuming, or everybody might have chosen my idea . . . But, anyway. I was thinking we could take pictures of Mr. Really, and send them to the American Ministry's Department of Mysterious Spells and Charms. They say they'll send back a written response of *exactly* what is wrong with our bodies - or, in this case - Racoons bodies - and they'll also send back a way to fix it . . . Or, you know, you may have to go their for fuller studies - but I'm sure that will rarely happen . . ."

Draco hadn't said anything my entire speech. It seemed he was on the verge of either congratulate me, or thinking of ways to spoil my plan. "How long will it take to get the results back?"

"If we're lucky . . . only three days. That'll give us enough time to paraphrase the report, and to add in extra notes." he nodded slightly.

"And if we're not lucky?"

"Well . . . then it'll be around midnight of the fourth day. We'd be up all night working our butts off for something that may not work out . . ."

He smiled. He actually *smiled* for me and I didn't have to coax him into it. The smile lit up his entire face, and made his eyes seem somehow brighter . . . and when it went away I was swept with tons of emotions . . . Oh, I didn't want it to go away . . . "That'll be enough for me. We can always stall our time if it doesn't work."

"So then . . . maybe we should send it off now?"

He picked up Mr. Really. "That would be the smart thing to do, eh?"

~~~~~~~~~~~

That night . . . was the one that I not only regret in a million ways . . . but also love to death. It was something I couldn't quiet remember . . . But also could never forget.

We were walking alongside the lake, our feet sloshing around in the snow. The first snow of the winter season - I had always thought was so romantic and sweet. It was always less cold to me, because it looked so warm. And Draco looked very real at that moment. Everything about him was there - and it just seemed to fit into place. His cheeks were red and his nose was too. His teeth chattered - and his pal complexion blended him into the many snowflakes.

He waited until the moon shone, and the last snowflake that night had fallen before he spoke. "You're beautiful, Granger. And for the longest fucking time I've been holding those words in me. I love every part of your body - and I want it to belong to me. And only to me. I don't want Potter to touch or, or the Weasel, or any other person who may or may not come along." roughly, he grabbed my wrists. "I don't understand it, either. I've never felt this way about anyone before. I can't wait to see you every morning - and I hate going to my bed where you're not there. You've fucked me up all over without ever laying your hands on me . . . I just want to get rid of these dumb *feelings*. And I don't even *want* to have sex with you - I just want to end it!"

He through me down into the cold snow! "Malfoy!" I cried, rolling over as he nearly jumped on me. My heart was racing in quick painful thumps. I thought : _Someone should be hearing my screams! _as I rolled, and punched, and scratched at him to push him off of me.

The thing with fighting him was - I wasn't sure I wanted to. 

I loved Draco. Everything about him. I had sought out to make him mine from the beginning. I had been seducing him all along - hadn't I been? Were skimpy clothing around him, "accidentally" touching his tight from time to time, giving him looks, and licking my lips in his presence . . . the works. Maybe I was getting what I deserved.

I would have been more ready if he had tried to make me comfortable. It wasn't how I would have pictured anything. I was cold. I was suffocating from the amount of snow that I had in my mouth. It wasn't romantic, thought occasionally he would kiss my neck, or my lips - because it was always too rough. He never whispered anything soothing to me . . .

And it hurt like fire.

And my finger nails were scratching at the bark of the tree that was directly behind us. I broke one fingernail off. Two. I kept thinkingabout how I hadn't ever wanted to do anything until marriage. I hadn't even wanted to *kiss* anyone . . . But here I was. Miserable. 

So, like every other terrible thing in the world, it ended eventually.

But I forgave Draco. I didn't really know what else to do. He was sorry, I knew. The way he walked. The way he stared at me.

And maybe it was the blood left on the snow that really scared him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Turns out, we *did* get the project finished in three days worth of time. We pretended like everything was the same - but it wasn't. Everything I walked outside when it snowed - I had nightmares. Yes, I forgave Draco for acting on emotions he had never experienced before - but I was terrified he may do it again. I wanted to talk about it, he wanted to pretend it never happened.

And I felt ugly and sick. Maybe everyone knew it.

And the day our project was to be turned in was a terrible one. Nobody in the class had attempted theirs at all. We sure got the best of Snape, however, when we described exactly what was wrong with Mr. Really, and used the new spells we had recently learned to cure him. He reluctantly gave us passing marks, while the Gryffindor's cheered for my behalf.

Actually, the days that followed weren't so bad - until I didn't get my period again.

A/N: Yey! So. Where will things go *now*? Any guesses? Any . . . suggestions? Because, this wasn't exactly supposed to happen. But it did. And now I have no idea where to make it *go*. But I want it to end in - like - a few more chapters. Oh, and also . . . Just so I don't get people mad at me *sobs silently* Draco *does* love her. Those are the "dumb feelings" that he's experiencing. 

Two choices!

1. Should she have the baby?

2. Should she get rid of it.

Or, ya know, you could make your own.


	6. So Choke Me

__

CHAPTER SIX: SO CHOKE ME

Even though we had already finished our assignment in Snape's class, he was still hostile toward everyone. I was sitting between Ron and Harry, and listening half-heartedly to Snape's lesson, because I felt ill. Harry, occasionally, would rub my shoulder, or squeeze my knee. We weren't "together" yet, but everyone was sure it would happen soon . . . Except for Ron, I suppose, who was completely blinded by "his love for me" to notice anything out-of-the-blue. Oh, I tried so hard not to look over at the Slytherin table where Draco sat - but it was hard. He was magnetic to my eyes, and try as I might - I looked at him often.

He seemed the same. Same platinum hair, same silvery eyes, same posture . . . Only something was different about it. Something about the way he took notes was different . . . I couldn't find it - until he caught my gaze. He was bleak looking. I couldn't read his expression. He was beating himself up over our incident, and wasn't as angry as he normally was. He no longer hated the people around him - but more he hated himself.

He looked apologetic, at first, but it went away and was replaced by a glare. I was stricken, for that moment, but then realized that Harry had followed my gaze and was watching Draco intently. And that was when I looked away, and back at Snape. "Why do you look at him so often?" Harry murmured.

"I felt someone staring at me, so I wanted to see who it was."

Snape surprised the class then. "Guess what?" he said, sarcasm dripping from his words. "We're going to have another assignment. Same groups as last time, only the assignment has changed. I noticed that . . . most of you didn't bother to attempt your project, so I'm going to be generous. You'll have a chance to make up for those last points-"

Draco raised his hand. "And what about those who did finish the last project and got top marks?" he was equally as sarcastic.

"Would you like some extra credit?" Snape snapped back at him.

"I don't need it." Draco said, not very loudly, but Snape heard it anyway.

"I'll tell you what, Mr. Malfoy. If you don't do this project you'll fail my class. So whether or not you did or did not do the last one, you'll do this one as well. And, if you have no more questions, then shut up and listen." the room seemed to pause as Snape's outburst. On a Gryffindor, this would be completely normal. But to a Slytherin and Draco Malfoy of all people? "Very well." and Snape told us the newest project. Considering we were nearing the end of year, and never got along very well, we would be doing a project on our partner. We had to write a paper on them, six pages long, on their positive side - the things a lot of people wouldn't know. It had to get deep, from what I gathered. Looks mattered none, but things kept hidden were the ones he wanted, obviously aware that would be torture on some people in this class.

I had to give Snape some credit. This was, after all, a great way to make many people fail. Nobody seemed to want to do it. Heck, even I didn't want to.

This time I walked over to Draco, his eyes were averted. "Good morning, Granger."

"Morning, Malfoy." it was our first time talking in over a week or two.

A silence then lingered across us. I could feel the tension in the air. I could have grabbed it and tied a knot in it. He wasn't yet ready to apologize, and I wasn't yet ready to accept it. "Some paper we have to write, huh? I don't really know you that well. You're going to have to open up to me a little more."

"I doubt it."

"Then we'll fail." he said this pointedly.

"Why don't you open up to me Malfoy? This paper isn't one sided, though you may think of it that way."

For a moment he sat there, then he cracked a smirk. "Oh, right, Granger. I'm not going to tell you anything personal about myself. You want personal?" I looked at him pointedly, this time. Daring him. "When I was seven I watched my father beat the shit out of my mother, and was permanently scarred because of that. My father pushes me around more than Snape does the Gryffindors. I like to write poetry, though damned if I'm going to let you see it . . . Sometimes I have freaky dreams . . . About Voldemort. About death. About the future - and I'm terrified of dying. I hate racoons because I woke up once with a dead one laying beside my head on my pillow. Sometimes I wish I was dead, because I think that I've been growing up dead anyway. My father is a Death Eater, but you can't write about that - though I'm sure everyone knows . . . I've gotta be one too - but fuck if I want to . . . And . . . though I'd kill you if you told anyone . . . I really kind of - and only a little - a really little - like Potter. He's okay . . ."

It didn't seem I would get much more out of him at that moment, but oh, I was glad he raised the white flag first. I was so glad he was going to apologize when he found the words. "I guess it's my turn then?" he half-nodded, his face flushed. He had opened up to me and nobody else. I was flattered in a sense that it wasn't something I wanted to keep hidden on me. "Er . . . I was brought up as a Muggle my whole life . .. Strange things would happen - and then I got my letter . . . Nothing really great. I was an only child . . I wrote a poem once . . . It wasn't very good . . . I have a journal that I've written in nearly every day of my life . . . I don't really have very many personal things except - well . . . I'm not as smart as you'd think. I struggle every day to get by here, but nobody would know because I'd never tell . . . I'm insecure about myself. Partially because of all the things you had to say about my body . . . and others as well . . ." he swallowed. "That's that, eventful, huh? Well . . . I'm sorry if you wanted a big story - but I don't have one."

"It's okay . . . I expected as much . . . You know - you and I aren't that different- when it comes to a pseudo . . ." he paused a moment. "I don't know how to be . . ." he cringed for a second. "nice - but I'm trying around you. I've never said an apology in my entire life - but I have to - to you. Because what I did was . . ." he faltered here. "The dumbest mistake I've ever made in my life."

I wasn't ready to say anything back - but it slipped out. "I'm not accepting your apology." I said quietly. "Because what you took from me . . . I'll never get back. And I hate you so much right now, for fucking up my future."

He stared at me, blue eyes growing back to how they normally were. I wanted to touch his lip, or hug him, or _something_ . . . "This is _my _fault? I fucked up your future?" his voice was cold. I wanted to suffocate. "I don't think you're aware, Granger,that you were the one who started this. I'm a guy, for christ sakes! You were skimpy clothing, and touch me all the time, and then refuse to follow through in the end? You're a fucking cocktease. You got what you wanted, alright? You made me believe that I could trust you, and made me think that I might . . . that I do . . ." he abruptly broke eye contact, and I realized what he was saying. Truly noticed it.

Malfoy liked me.

Or, at least, he thought he did.

It seemed as if he figured that I had set out in the beginning to make him fall in love with me, and then break his heart. Which wasn't true, at least, I'd never thought it was true, until I really looked over all that I'd done. Re-read my journal entries.

Maybe I had just been in this to hurt Malfoy. Just so I, for a change, could win, and never be taunted by him about my body, and my hair, and me being a snob.

_I could win, _I thought, as I sat down on my bed, resting. _I could take all of this and use it to my advantage. I could hurt Draco almost as badly as he hurt me - and I'd never have to see him, or deal with him again._

But was it what I wanted?

Harry, Ron and I sat in the Gryffindor Common Room, the two of them looking at me from time to time, as I wrote my report on Draco. "Hey, er . . . Mione?" Ron began, smirking.

"Ron, I'm busy." I was busy, but most of all upset. I'd been depressed ever since that night with Draco, and nothing seemed to be working for me anymore. I really wished I hated him. If I'd never loved Draco in the first place - nothing bad would have happened. I was the one who had caused all of this. I knew what I was getting myself into from the start, and I shouldn't have even attempted it . . . But, oh . . . It was so nice to see him smile.

"We . . . er . . . need your help."

I sighed and put down my quill. They hadn't even attempted to do their work. It had been me doing mine, me and Draco doing ours. None of the other students even knew what it felt like to be under Snape's deadline, because none of them cared.

I, however, did. And Ron and Harry were messing with my schedule. "Yes?"

"We were wondering if . . . you knew any spells . . . to help us read minds."

"No. I don't. Why?"

"Because I'm with Millicent," Ron cried. "Shouldn't that be enough?"

I gathered my things together. I was turning into a total brat, and I knew it. Maybe I even liked it. It was hard to tell exactly what I wanted anymore. What with the way I'd been changing my mind over and over. "Look, Ron. Harry. I got stuck with Malfoy, and he and I did fine. We passed the project, and we got high marks, and we worked well together. You two haven't even attempted to do anything! You're just sitting around complaining and you never even tried! I'm tired of being the one to carry you two around! I'm not your maid - I'm supposed to be your friend!" with a sudden burst of tears, I dropped my parchment, quills, and books, and hurried into my dormitory, laying on my bed and crying.

The tears were a relief. I'd been holding too much in, and I was tired. I shouldn't have blown up on Harry and Ron, but they were major causes of stress in my life as well.

It took awhile for the tears to finally go away, and by that time all I wanted to do was work on the damn paper and go to sleep. So many thoughts ran through my head, and I couldn't concentrate on the task at hand. I knew I had the homework to do. But I wouldn't be able to do it.

The common room was nearly empty, however, Ron sat in a chair by the fireplace, holding my things. He was sleeping, snoring loudly, and some drool ran down his chin.

It would have been hideous to anyone else - but to me . . . He looked so adorable.

I didn't want to wake him, so I gently pulled my things off of him, only to find myself gasping when he grabbed my hands tightly. "Hermione?" he said, letting me go, and wiping his face.

"Hi, sorry. I didn't mean to wake you . . ."

"What's going on? We can't help you if you don't tell us anything."

"I'm fine, really. It's just that I've been spending way too much time with Malfoy. His manners are beginning to rub off on me . . . Maybe that's a good thing."

"Why the bloody hell do you say that?"

"At least, when your Draco, you don't get too attached. He's so used to disappointments, that he doesn't expect anything better. I love that about him. Admire him."

" . . . You care about him?"

" . . . Very much so."

There was a silence, and I looked down at the floor. "Are you saying . . . you have a crush on Malfoy?"

" . . . It's . . . It's more then a crush, Ron."

"You're dating him?! Him?! That bloke?!"

"No. I'm not."

" .. . Maybe we should talk about this . . ."

"I've tried to tell you before."

His cold fingers grazed my face, and I looked away, shying from his touch. "When?"

"When you thought I liked Revine."

"Oh." his cheeks turned red. "Listen, Mione ... You're my friend. You're not my maid. You're not my love-interest ... You're just my friend. And I support you. So ... If you like Malfoy then I'm all for the two of you ... Though i wish you wouldn't."

My eyes welled up with tears. "Thank you ..." I wiped them away quickly. "But I doubt anything will happen between us ... Due to ... current events."

"Really? What happened?"

"Nothing. It's not important."

His lips lightly touched my forehead, and I smiled. "Alright, then, Hermione. Was that so hard?"

"No. It wasn't ... Can I trust you not to tell Harry? I kind of ... want to tell him myself ... he deserves to know ..."

"Sure. I won't tell."

I said goodbye to him, and hurried up to my bed again, to continue writing.

My quill poked my finger, causing a little bit of blood, and I turned on my lamp before . . .

My paper.

_"I want to like Draco._

I want to love him.

I want to hate him.

I want to hurt him.

I want him to want me like I want him.

I wish I could make up my mind.

God, Draco, you're stupid!

Maybe you're just blind.

I HATE THIS.

I HATE LYING.

GOD. JUST DIE ALREADY!"

And I tore it apart, and stuffed it in my journal.

::DRACO::

He was hurrying down a hallway, holding his bag onto his shoulder, and attempting to juggle all of the books he held in his hand.

A spell he had used earlier changed the title to them, on the outside, so that to anyone who happened to walk by him in the corridor's saw books on dark spells, and the Dark Lord, and everything that he could thing of that could help him keep his reputation.

But the books, they weren't about that.

These were potions he wanted, and books on the information that he just needed to know before he went ahead with anything.

A book on love. He wanted to test it. Sure, he felt strange feelings toward Hermione lately, but were they what he thought they were? Was he that shallow and conceited that he purposely would take her virginity just because of a face to fuck?

_No, _he thought, piling his books on the desk beside his bed. _It's deeper than that. I know that it's deeper. I'm not even that attracted to her looks . . . she's really not that great looking._

Yet, for some unexplained reason, he'd never been able to get her off of his mind - especially lately.

He'd been dreaming about her, and they were good dreams, that replaced the nightmare he'd been having since the night has arm was broken. He liked to see her at night, in the privacy of his bed, and feel comforted, and loved - because he knew that she loved him . . . He thought he knew that she loved him.

Hermione used to be like a book to him.

He could read her from everything she said, the way she moved, the smile on her face. To make her upset, well, that was what everyone wanted. She was a total bitch, and it was relieving to others to make her cry, so Draco hadn't been different. He'd just been the one to push her a little too hard. Maybe this was the worst kind of revenge.

When he'd kissed her . . . she hadn't responded. Her lips were softer than he thought, her tongue was sweet, and his fingers through her hair had felt like fire. Like an electric jolt that had shivered up and down his spine.

So, it was one-sided, whatever it was. Granger would always just be the girl he'd never had.

He opened the book back to the anti-love potion. ("_To work the potion, he who is casting it must drink it himself. The ingredients are natural, and the potion only takes an hour at the most to be made, and drunk._

"After drinking it, there will be some discomfort in the stomach, which will pass soon.

"He must kiss the person he wants to fall out of love with him, before the night is up, and come morning the love will be broken.")

_And as of later on tonight, I'm not going to want her anymore._ He thought, bitterly, before making a mental notes of the ingredients needed.

::HERMIONE::

Harry and I sat outside, looking at the lake with the giant squid, not really saying much. His hand was resting near mine, and slowly, and tentatively, he laced our fingers together, so that we were holding hands, and I looked into his emerald eyes, but felt nothing. "Hermione, if you were leading me on, now would be the time to tell me."

" . . . What??" where had that come from?" We were sharing a moment that could have been considered very romantic, and he assumed I wanted to hurt him.

Of course, the only reason I'd asked him out there was to tell him about Draco . . . Still ...

" . . . Look, I think I understand what's going on. I think you're using me to hide what you're feeling for Malfoy. Or Ron. Or someone else. . . If I'm wrong, then tell me now, and we can continue where we were going, and if not then . . . It's fair that you tell me . . ."

I watched him for a moment, looking into his eyes. And, oh, I wanted to cry. "No, Harry . . . I . . . I like someone else."

And it hurt, to watch him stand up.

"But - I'm trying to get over him. That's why I want to be with you. So I can get over him."

"It's Malfoy, isn't it?"

" . . . Yes."

He took a glimpse at my tears, and looked hurt. Angry. "I should have known from the beginning."

"Harry-" I went to touch him, but he pulled away.

"No. Just . . . just leave me alone." and then, he disappeared inside, leaving me by myself.

I looked out into the lake. _I'm screwing everything up._

I rose to my feet, flattened out my robes, and hugged myself.

A little later, I heard a stick crack, and turned around, to see Malfoy standing there, heaving, looking strange. His hair was free of the glue he used, and it was as tousled as Harry's. I felt a weird aching in the pit of my stomach, and watched him, curiously.

"Hermione." he said, quietly, and then moved toward me, wrapping arms around me, tracing my lips with a cold finger of his. He was shaking slightly, and it scared me, to see him like that. So uncollected. It was hard, because this wasn't the guy I'd fallen in love with.

"What're you doing out here, Malfoy?" I questioned. "What do you want?"

"Please stop - stop calling me Malfoy."

" . . . Draco . . . what're-" and then he kissed me, with a passion I couldn't have matched, even if he were himself. It was soft, but deepening, when he knew I thought it was okay. And his fingers travelled over my cheeks, down my shoulders, across my back . . . I felt my knees weakening. This wasn't happening. There wasn't a way in hell all of this was happening. I had Malfoy. I won.

He pulled away, and looked into my eyes. "I'm sorry." he said, finally.

"For what?"

"For all the times I hurt you in the past . . . and all the times I'm going to hurt you in the future."

"What're you talking about?"

He pulled away. Let go of me. "I think I love you." he said, and then hung his head, as if waiting for my response.

"Malfoy I . . ." he cringed. "Draco . . . I don't understand."

"Forget it." he said, finally. "It doesn't matter." and then he left.

There was a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I knew better than to follow him.

-Authors Note-

Thanks to all of my reviewers! I still love you! Tell me if you liked this chapter, because I wasn't entirely sure if it really captured what I was trying to make it . . . That Draco is in love with her, but doesn't want to be . . .

I'm aware at how badly this turned out, forgive me, I apologize.

All I have left is the epilogue, and then this baby is finished.

(Sorry about my lack of updating . . . sheepish smile I was stuck for an ending, just until a few moments before this chapter was type . . . hugs everyone)


	7. Epilogue

EPILOGUE

::DRACO::

He stood on the roof of the castle, looking down at the ground below, his heart racing.

It wasn't even as if he were scared. He knew this had to happen before he got hurt in the end. Or worse - Hermione got hurt in the end.

The pain she may or may not endure from his suicide would be nothing compared to the things that the people in Hogwarts, and the Death Eaters, and the Dark Lord would do to her later on.

And it wasn't even about loving her anymore.

Sure, he loved her, he knew that now. He knew it when he wrote it down on his suicide note. Not that she would love him anymore . . . When the sun rose all of the feelings of love she'd had for him would be gone. She would know what had happened, and that she had once loved him, but her feelings of love would be completely erased.

And Draco only wanted to help her.

True to his fathers word, he would be leaving her.

In fact, he'd be leaving a future filled with pain easily. They wanted him to become a death eater. To murder small children, and people - just for the fun of it. His father had threatened him many a time before. There was no going back now, he'd already mailed the letter to his father.

And if he refused to kill himself that night, his father would kill him the next morning. And that death wouldn't be graceful - not like he wanted. If he had to die by murder - he would murder _himself_. Nobody would be the one to do it for him. He wouldn't be wasted - just not alive any longer.

After all, he had been planning this all along.

Since he entered the sixth year, he had always said - he would end all of his pain and suffering then. Maybe Hermione had reminded him that his time was limited, or maybe she was just nothing. Maybe he had decided his fate for him, and not leaving it up to a lousy Mudblood.

_Mudblood. _he thought bitterly. _Even now that's all I can think about with her. _True, he'd never given much thought to the matter. Hermione had always just _been there. _She'd never really been an important factor. He'd taunted her for years, because he always had. Because she was Muggle-born, and that was wrong.

So, he'd contaminated himself.

He had to choose between a life of pain and suffering, or no life at all.

With a deep breath, he slowly lifted one leg off the edge, and held it in mid-air, hesitating.

And then, he through his goodbye note into the castle, and jumped into the water below, the force of the hit breaking his bones with a sick crunching noise. And then, he was floating.

::HERMIONE::

My legs felt sweaty.

I was sitting down in my room, and my legs were folded underneath me.

They'd been in that position for a long time, and oh, they were burning and numb, all at the same time.

Draco's suicide letter was something I couldn't stop reading over and over again.

The day his owl had delivered it to me, I had neglected it.

I mean, come _on, _Draco _Malfoy_? Why the bloody hell would that narcissistic fool send me a letter? All he was good for was tormenting me, Harry, and Ron. I wouldn't read something he wrote, because there would probably be a poison in it or something.

He hadn't shown up for class the following Monday, and nobody in his dormitory's had seen him since that Friday. There wasn't really a school-wide search, after all, when your a Malfoy nobody even cares if you're gone, because he'd _made _it that way.

I was slightly worried about failing the project, I thought, but maybe there was something more to it.

Draco's sudden disappearance had scared everyone. Most people thought he was kidnapped by Voldemort or something, but I think I knew.

The sick bastard had raped me, and for that he deserved every bone on his body broken.

I wasn't pregnant, which was both a blessing, and a curse. The good side was I wouldn't have to worry about being a young-mother, and maybe leaving Hogwarts. But the bad side was I'd never have a child as beautiful as the one that someone like Draco could produce. The child's beauty would be noticed by everyone and anyone.

However, there wasn't a child, and there wouldn't _be _a child.

Was I grateful?

_Hermione,_

I know you hate me. You're probably wondering why the hell I wrote you, right?

You probably haven't even read this far. You probably threw it away. Maybe that's for the best. Maybe it isn't. Maybe I shouldn't even be writing this letter because I don't really have anything to say to you. Or, if I do, then I really don't have a real way to say it...

More days had gone by. Draco's picture was posted in the paper. Nobody knew quiet where he was. Me? I knew what had happened, and I knew what he'd done.

Was I worried?

Hell yes. I was worried for _his _sake.

Nobody but me and Luscious knew his death was a suicide. God, nobody but Luscious and I even knew he was _dead_! I couldn't tell, though. Somehow, it would be like I'd been deceiving Draco. I never wanted to deceive him.

After all, there had once been feelings for him that I had. I had once loved the bastard.

__

It's weird, I guess, to be writing you. I just mailed my father. He's going to go bloody insane. There is no backing down, because he'll kill me himself if I live through this. I don't want to die, but that doesn't mean I don't want to keep living. There is nothing for me, in life. I fucked that up like I fucked up everything else.

I don't seem to notice I've screwed up until a few hours after I've fucked up.

I wish I had never cast that spell on you.

My legs finally began to swell, so I moved them back to the ground, cringing at the painful tingle that overtook my lower body. _God, I hate it when body-parts fall asleep._ I thought, wetting my lips casually, and moving my hair out of my forehead, which was sweaty, and making my hair stick to my scalp.

__

I liked that feeling - you know- when we rode on the broom together? I thought it was great to have someone depend on me that much.

I almost wanted to drop you, just because that feeling in my gut was a little too difficult for me to comprehend at the moment.

I'd probably never learn to accept that.

Draco's note was wet and smeared. I couldn't remember if it was from the tears I had cried on it, or tears of his own. Maybe it was both.

All I knew, was my room at my house didn't feel like my own.

We had left school for the summer, and Draco had been buried bodiless, considering it was never found, and he had been gone long enough to be proclaimed legally dead.

His funeral was something I'd moved to the back of my mind, but kept remembering at odd moments at the day. All the time.

I was wearing a black dress, and a small black hat, standing beside Harry, who was standing beside Ron. They had no bad comments to make about Draco, for which I was grateful, because I wouldn't be able to handle it if they had. Harry's arm was rubbing my back sympathetically, but I felt nothing from it. It was like numbness had taken over my entire body, and all I could feel on me at that time was Luscious's eyes that were burning a whole straight through me.

I thought he was going to threaten me after the funeral was over.

He didn't.

__

I wonder if this suicide note is as good as the others.

Ever wonder who wrote the most emotional suicide note?

There have been a lot of them during my lifetime.

I really don't want anyone to know this was suicide, so don't tell anyone unless you feel you have to. My dad already knows, but I don't want anyone else to think so. Maybe when they find me, they can assume it was accidental.

Whatever.

I don't even care if I'm forgotten.

I'm sure Potter will be pleased.

I had loved Draco for a lot of reasons, but none of them seemed to matter after he'd gone.

He was a part of my past I would have rather forgotten, but couldn't seem to do it. I couldn't picture what my life had been like while I was in love with him.

I remember some feelings for him, but nothing really strong came to me until I re-read my journal.

_Journal Entry _

Draco Malfoy.

What do I say?

He's undesirably beautiful.

And soon... he's going to be mine.

_Well, maybe not. But a girl can dream, right?_

In my dreams Draco is riding to me on a white horse with wings, that fly us away into the sunset. Oh, and I forgot the rose. He has to have a rose between his teeth and be wearing shiny silver armor. Good God, I'm pathetic.

I'm sure if Draco ever found out my dreams he'd be seriously insulted.

Oh well. Like I said...

Draco is hot.

End Journal Entry 

And throughout all this time, I never seemed to give up on the selfish jerk.

I dunno. Maybe I was the insane one after all.

__

Weasely will be pleased as well. It seems you have two other guys dying to win your affection. I say go with the redhead... you know what they say about them...

I'm trying to liven this up with humor.

Is it working?

I've never been one for humor. I guess I'm more angsty then anything else. That's not bad, however. The chick dig it. Well... I think they do. I really haven't been paying attention to any girls except for you for the last couple of months.

So... I'm going to have to end this note soon, but I'm waiting until a good ending comes to me. You know how it is.

The day that Hogwarts started back I was sitting beside the lake with the Giant Squid, and that was when I saw it.

A figure, floating head-down into the water a few yards away. Drowning, it seemed.

I told someone to call for help, and swam out into the freezing water, to get the body, and struggled long and hard to make it back to shore, where a lot of people were waiting, and where Dumbledore stood in front of them all, mouth half-open.

When I pulled the body onto shore, Harry grabbed me into a tight hug, and Madame Pomfrey wrapped me up in tight blankets.

And that was when I really _noticed _the body I'd taken out of the water.

Draco.

He was swollen, and white, except for his lips, which were blue.

He looked like a bruise in some spot, and bones were poking out of his skin in weird angles at others. He was dead.

And he had been dead for a long time.

Not being able to contain seeing him any longer, I screamed until my throat had gone sore, and didn't even stop then.

__

I guess this can't go on forever, as sad as that sounds. Maybe not to you _but it means a lot to me. My final goodbyes are to nobody in particular. I'm only writing you to say I'm sorry. You probably don't even care that I'm gone. I guess I'm okay with that. It won't matter, anyway. I'm dead. If you received this letter- then I already jumped._

God, this is so weird. I can't stand _this powerless feeling I have in the pit of my stomach._

After all that we "had"... this shouldn't have ended this way.

But it did.

I love you.

-Draco

[End]

-Author's Note-

Thanks to all my reviewers and... er... sorry about this cheesy ending. I'll write a re-do later. hugs and kisses to everyone who has been faithful to the story, and slams everyone else with a hammer

-Superficial


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